


the wall versus the soldier

by gaiarcane



Series: the mundanity of domesticity [5]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan, 進撃の巨人 | Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan (Movies)
Genre: Canon Non-Binary Character, Character's Name Spelled as Hanji, Cute, Eye Trauma, Fluff, Nonbinary Hange Zoë, Other, Physical Disability, brief mention of alcohol, they drink like four cups and it happens rarely so
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-23
Updated: 2019-10-23
Packaged: 2020-12-31 20:40:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21151880
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gaiarcane/pseuds/gaiarcane
Summary: Hanji returns to Shiganshina with what is left of the Survey Corps, but one enemy remains.





	the wall versus the soldier

**Author's Note:**

> !!!!!! spoiler alert for people who have not watched snk season 3 part 2 or read until chapter 80 of the manga !!!!!!

Hanji hates it.

Hates it so much.

Then, they think that they could be dead, and that _this_ is nothing compared to death.

_But I’d enjoy not walking into every wall, tree or door in my path,_ Hanji thinks.

Since they came back from Shiganshina, the walls of Trost District have become their greatest enemy. Hanji begins to think that walls are even more dangerous than titans, or than other humans far beyond the land they know and the sea they saw. Not a day passes without Hanji grunting in pain because they can’t see a wall, a chair, a table, or even a person.

Losing an eye does that to people.

Hanji rubs the recent bruise on their forehead, and arranges their fringe so that it sort of hides it.

Then they realize that their team has already seen them with cuts and wounds everywhere, so none of them would be surprised by a gigantic purple bruise on the middle of their forehead, or by the fact that their glasses are (once again) broken.

_Oh, I’m so dead._ Hanji thinks. _Moblit is going to-_

But Moblit isn’t there anymore. Moblit is dead, just like Erwin, and so many others of the survey corps, and just like their left eye, which is the reason why they have such a huge bruise on their face.

Hanji sighs. They move away from the mirror, wipe the concoction they had brewed to ease the swelling and the pain with their sleeve, and walk out of the bathroom.

There, another obstacle stands in their way: a small, annoyed human being who is visibly pissed that Hanji has once again pushed him while he was walking.

“Ah, sorry.” Hanji apologizes. “Didn’t see you there. Once again.”

_They feel even more dumb saying it. _

“Hey there, four-eyes.” Levi replies, brushing his shirt, probably removing the dirt Hanji put on him as they collided together. “Were you taking a long sweet dump or something? You’ve been in there for ages.”

Hanji chuckles. “Checking the time I spend in the bathroom, now? How considerate of you.”

Levi does not reply, and instead raises his hand to Hanji’s forehead, moving the misplaced strands of hair from their forehead, and revealing the nasty bruise there.

The captain sighs. “A wall, again?”

“I can’t help it, you know.” Hanji retorts, pushing his hand away to put their hair back into their new place, above their forehead and on their nose. “My eye is gone, there’s nothing I can do.”

“Yes, there is.” Levi replies, crossing his arms. “You just haven’t found it yet. You’re too busy whining.”

And somehow, it makes Hanji angry to hear that they’re not trying hard enough.

They _have_ been trying to pay attention to their surroundings, but given that half of their vision is impaired, things have not exactly been easy. Now that they were the commander of the survey corps, they could not waste time checking thoroughly where they went and what was on their path. Thus, they chose the bruises instead of the waste of time.

“Well, I hope you lose an eye, one day.” Hanji finally says. “So that you’ll see how harsh you are being with me, given my condition.”

Levi cannot even say anything back because Hanji has already left, walking towards the other end of the corridor, and for once, they turn their head before they go through the door that leads to the canteen.

Hanji is not hungry. What they are searching for is something to drink, something to drown away the bitter feelings building up in their throat.

And what a better way to make them disappear than with booze.

Finding the best quality alcohol is easy. Now that they are commander, they need no permission from anyone to do whatever they want, and Hanji loves to use the advantages that come with this heavy duty that has been bestowed on their shoulders.

They walk back towards their quarters, careful to hide the bottle they found in their jacket and take shortcuts to their room. There, the dorms are quiet, since it’s barely night and most of the soldiers are either training on the field or eating at the canteen. Hanji swears she saw Armin and Mikasa there when they went bottle-hunting, just a couple of minutes ago.

Closing their door shut behind them as they enter their own room, Hanji sighs in relief.

_Now’s the time for some fun, _they think.

Fun only lasts for a while. After the first four cups of the beverage they can’t really manage to identify (_is it liquor or vodka? Or perhaps rum?_), Hanji is already seeing two glasses instead of one, and has been blabbering nonsense for half an hour. Still, they keep drinking until they can’t see straight at all, and until the hallucination of a short-legged captain with a visible frown appears in their room.

“Oh my,” Hanji says, “You look like someone I know. Someone annoying.”

“Hanji, what the fuck.” Levi blurts out, staring at the commander of the survey corps who has been getting drunk by themselves in their room when the night has not even started.

_What a loser, _Levi thinks ironically, but does not say anything.

Because the captain is aware that everything has been tense for Hanji, recently. From having to answer so many questions about what happened in Shiganshina and _why isn’t Erwin Smith back and why was Armin chosen instead of Erwin and why did they let their emotions cloud their judgement_ to the consequences of the battle, Hanji has been incredibly busy. Their physical alteration has not helped their overal mood, and Levi noticed that Hanji is frowning most of the time now, and has difficulty adapting to all of these changes.

So it’s not surprising for him to see Hanji drinking themselves to death, he thinks, but he realizes he’d have guessed they would have lasted three days before breaking, not _three weeks._

“He’s real?” Hanji wonders out loud, and Levi sighs. “Levi, are you real?”

“Sadly, yes.” Levi replies, and plops down on Hanji’s bed. “What are you doing?”

Hanji giggles and takes a swig from their bottle before they answer. “I’m having fun, can’t you see it?”

“I see someone trying to forget.” Levi replies gravely, and it sinks down Hanji’s throat as they swallow their liquor.

“Why did you come here, Levi?” Hanji asks, their tone suddenly different and less giddy.

Levi grunts. “I was searching for my annoying partner, the one I pissed off earlier. I wanted to apologize.”

Hanji laughs again, surprised by this sudden honesty. Levi hardly apologizes with words, and prefers to make up to people with actions. This, however, is far different than how he usually acts.

“Sorry, the commander Hanji Zoe is absent now.” Hanji jokes. “But if you have anything to tell them, I’d be glad to deliver the message to them.”

Levi snorts. “I don’t think you can deliver anything right now, Hanji.”

The commander tries to argue, but gives up after a couples of seconds. Levi watches them as they almost empty their bottle, and takes it away from their grasp before they can gulp it down in one go.

“Hey, that’s mine.” Hanji pouts, staring back at the captain.

Levi drinks the remaining beverage inside the bottle, and makes a face afterwards.

“Ugh.” he blurts out, “What the fuck was that, piss?”

“Dunno.” Hanji retorts. “But it works.”

Levi stares at Hanji for a couple of seconds, and Hanji does the same.

Then they both burst up in laughter, amused by the absurdness of the situation. Hanji lies down near Levi, and gazes at the ceiling as they begin blabbering again, a mixture between nonsense about titans and harsh truth about their current condition.

Levi does not reply to it, until Hanji mutters that they should simply give up on everything.

“What?” Levi asks, not looking for them to repeat but to explain _why_ they think that.

“I lost an eye, Levi.” Hanji begins. “I don’t know what to do. I’m useless as a fighter and useless as a commander. I don’t know why Erwin chose me, even before I became one-eyed. I’m not fit for this role. Someone else should take my place.”

Levi tsks, and flicks Hanji on the nose. “You’re overreacting. Erwin lost an arm, did he give up?”

“I’m not as strong as he was, Levi.” Hanji admits as they pat their nose.

“That’s not true.” Levi replies. “Without you, the survey corps wouldn’t be where it is today.”

Hanji swallows. “You mean decimated, with less than ten members remaining?”

“Do you ever stop? You know what I meant.” Levi states.

And of course, Hanji knows. Because they’ve had this conversation several times before, about their utility in the survey corps. Levi would always say that despite the fact that they are completely mad, Hanji is actually useful to the corps, and that without them, they would be far behind on their knowledge about titans.

It was Hanji who had allowed them to know so much about the monsters that oppressed them, and also about their new enemies who are currently threatening their lives, far away from the island they live on. It was Hanji who had saved their lives countless times, even if sometimes, they had almost lost theirs, too.

_Hanji is irreplaceable_, Levi thinks, but does not say it out loud.

Because Hanji is aware of their own worth. This is just a temporary gloomy episode, but it will pass. The captain is sure of it. Because Hanji is incredibly strong. 

“I know, I know, I’m sorry. I’m just… I’m scared I’ll finish my days behind an office, signing papers until I’m too stiff to hold a pen.” Hanji says, and sits up.

Then, they wrap their arms around Levi’s shoulders, and put their head in the crook of his neck and hide themselves there.

Levi _does not_ shudder.

_(That’s false.)_

“Oh Levi, save me from such a terrible fate, please…”

Levi does not move the annoying commander away. Instead, he swallows a confession and lets it go down his throat, far away from his mouth and closer to his heart, _where it should stay. _

“I won’t let you grow old behind a dusty office, shitty four-eyes.” Levi reassures them. “I’ll save you.”

Hanji makes a strange sound that Levi does not question. _It’s __typical__ Hanj__i._

“That’s nice of you.”

“I’ll start tomorrow.” Levi continues. “I’ll teach you how to adapt to your new sight.”

Hanji moves away from Levi’s neck to stare at him, face closer than usual because they’ve lost their glasses somewhere and they can’t see clearly unless they’re less than ten centimetres away from his face.

Levi does not know if he should thank or curse their myopia.

“Is the liquor kicking in again or-”

“Hanji, I’m serious.” The captain interrupts them. “I can help you.”

Hanji does not think much about it. They’re too drunk to do so.

“Okay. I accept your help.” they simply say.

The two of them sit in silence afterwards, relishing in each other’s quiet company.

Levi wishes he could apologize with words instead of actions, but he’ll do better next time.

“Are you free tomorrow?” Levi asks after a while.

Hanji chuckles. “I’m the commander, I can make up space in my schedule.”

“Then let’s do it tomorrow.” Levi adds. “Together.”

Hanji does not reply straight away. Instead, they hug Levi closer against their chest, slightly losing their balance as they wrap their arms around the captain’s tiny neck, but Levi steadies them both with a firm hand on the bed they’re sitting on.

The other hand rests on Hanji’s side.

Levi is not really fond of hugs, but when it’s with Hanji, he doesn’t mind at all.

“Thank you.” Hanji mutters, and Levi does not reply. He supposes not pushing them away is an answer in itself.

It lasts minutes, until Levi’s hand supporting them starts to tingle. Hanji’s breathing is soft against his cheek, slightly making him shiver and he _prays_ Hanji can’t feel that.

It turns out that Hanji can’t feel anything, since they’re asleep. Levi finds out that they’ve fell in the arms of Morpheus when after nudging them a couple of times and asking them to move, he heard no answer. Thus he moves them both on the bed without waking the commander up, and lets himself have a nap around them. Hanji won’t wake up before a couple of hours, Levi thinks.

Which is good. The dark circles under their eyes have grown more noticeable recently, and Levi knows Hanji has not been sleeping properly since they came back from Shiganshina. Whether it was the pain in their eye or the guilt that was keeping them awake, Levi knew the lack of sleep heavily impacted Hanji’s behaviour.

But Levi felt it wasn’t his place to comment on their sleeping habits, especially since he sleeps less than them and sleeps on a _goddamn chair. _

So he closes his eyes, and tries to get some rest, too.

Levi is true to his word, Hanji figures out when they wake up to a glass of water and an aspirin on their night-stand. On their desk, there is breakfast and orange juice, as well as a note that says “meet me on the training grounds when you’re finished. And take a bath.” with no name on it, but of course Hanji knows who it is.

They dutifully do as they are told, and find that taking a bath is quite agreeable, sometimes, where you’re not expected somewhere. Hanji knows Levi won’t mind if they’re late, especially since they showered. Showering makes Levi forgets all the wrong deeds Hanji has done, somehow.

When they finally arrive on the field, Hanji sees Levi near the stables, feeding a horse. The animal bites the apple in Levi’s hand, and the captain caresses its nose softly. Hanji smiles at this sight, and Levi turns his head, retracting his hand as they approach him.

“Took you long enough.” Levi comments, closing the paddocks. “I thought you had forgotten what we’ve talked about.”

Hanji remembers the way Levi moved them so that they were lying down on their bed instead of sitting, and also remembers how he grabbed them closer against him as he slept, and remembers the warmth of his body against theirs. Of course they remember what they’ve talked about, despite the alcohol. Their memory never failed them.

“Thank you.” Hanji says as they caress the horse as well. “For the breakfast, I mean.”

Levi smirks. “Well, I know you never eat in the morning, so I thought I’d feed you. So you don’t go training on an empty stomach.”

“Well, feel free to do that more often.” Hanji comments with a smile, and Levi tsks. “So, what have you planned for me today?”

Levi leaves the stables, and Hanji follows him. “Some regular 3DMG, what else did you have in mind?”

Hanji stops walking.

“You can’t be serious.” Hanji blurts out, but Levi does not say anything. “Levi, I can’t even walk properly and you’re asking me to use my maneuver gear without an eye?”

“It’ll be easier to walk in a room with obstacles afterwards.” Levi assures them.

Hanji stares at Levi, dumbfounded. “I won’t be able to walk in a room because I’ll be dead, Levi!”

“You won’t be alone.” Levi replies. “I’ll be with you.”

The commander chuckles, probably to ease the nervousness growing inside them.

“So this is it, huh?” Hanji begins. “A private lesson with humanity’s best soldier. You know there are hundreds of recruits who would kill for such a thing.”

Levi snorts, because he doesn’t know whether Hanji brings this up because they know it annoys him, or because of _some other reason he can’t quite explain. _

“Well, they’re not you.” the captain points out, and Hanji does not know how to interpret that. “Think you’ll manage to put your equipment on your own?”

Hanji chooses to tease him, of course, as they usually do.

“Oh no, I’m afraid I won’t be able to do it myself.” Hanji pretends, using a higher voice than usual. “Can you help me with my uniform, please?”

The commander cannot dodge the sponge Levi throws at them, but they manage to see a bright red hue on the captain’s cheeks.

“Careful, Levi! I took a shower this morning. You wouldn’t want to make me dirty.” Hanji whines.

“I’ll show you dirty.” Levi says, but regrets it automatically. “The grounds. Ten minutes. Don’t make me wait.”

Hanji waits until Levi is far away before they yell, “Is that a date?”

The reply is automatic.

“Fuck you, four eyes!” Levi yells, making the recruits passing by turn around in fear that they’ve angered humanity’s best soldier.

Hanji, of course, does not care about that.

Their training session is a complete disaster. Hanji ends up with a bloody nose, several cuts and bruises, while Levi watches as they collide with trees again, and again, and again, until they grow tired of it. Hanji jumps from the tree branch they were standing on, swings in the air for a couple of seconds, and then lands on the ground.

“I can’t do it, Levi!” Hanji whines as they rub their aching shoulder. “I’m never going to move the way I used to.”

Levi lands on the ground as well and walks towards them. “That’s what you get for being extra flirty this morning.”

“Flirty? Why’d you think I would flirt with you, short stuff?” Hanji teases despite their pain.

Levi is taken off guard.

“I don’t know.” He blurts out. “You’re weird. I wouldn’t be surprised.”

Hanji chuckles. “I’m serious, though. It’s never going to work.”

Levi thinks about it. For a couple of minutes, he considers his options. Hanji, though very smart, somehow does not seem to comprehend how to proceed with their new vision. He knows he could try to write it down for them and have them learn all the theory, but it would be _boring as fuck_and he doesn’t have the time nor the energy to do that.

_So we’ll do it my own way,_ he thinks.

Levi grabs Hanji by their harness as they approach him, and swiftly removes their hand grips, the piston-shot grapple-hooks, the gas-powered mechanism and the iron wire propeller with plug-in blades. Hanji remains wordless as he proceeds to take everything off except their harness, and they think that the captain is disappointed by their lack of motivation, though Hanji _is_ motivated. They’re just… in disbelief about Levi’s methods.

“Close your eyes.” Levi orders, and Hanji blinks.

“What?”

“Did you hear me?” Levi asks. “Close your eyes.”

Hanji does as they’re told, expecting a kick or something. But Levi moves in front of them, and they feel something under their harness, then they’re tied tightly to something.

“What are you-”

“Hang on tight.”

Hanji’s eyes shoot open right as Levi reels the both of them into the air, and the commander is thankful for their incredible reflexes that have kept them alive for so long. They tangle their arms around Levi’s chest and sides, and Hanji swears they hear him chuckle.

“What are you doing?!” Hanji yells over Levi’s shoulder.

“What does it look like I’m doing?” Levi yells back. “Pay attention to your surroundings.”

And Hanji does exactly that. Methodically, they notice how they perceive depth differently and have a hard time judging distances. And as they see someone far away moving with their 3DMG just like they were, Hanji realised that they could not really accurately track them. Even watching some soldiers on the ground under them is hard.

When Levi finally stops, Hanji waits a few seconds before they untangle their arms from his chest, still shaky from the new experience of being reeled into the air with no proper equipment except a rope and very strong arms circled around the body of humanity’s best.

And Levi notices.

So he waits a few seconds before he gently removes Hanji’s hands, because he can imagine how startling the activity must have been.

“So?” Levi asks. “How was it?”

Hanji breathes in and out before they answer, and Levi turns around to look at them. Their ponytail is a mess, even messier than usual, and their glasses (which used to lie on their nose with a bit of duct tape in the middle) are completely destroyed. But despite the wrecked look of their hair and glasses, they look happier than when they were flying by themselves, slamming themselves against trees and failing miserably.

Levi would even say that they look optimistic, as if they had understood something while flying that they had not noticed while they were trying on their own.

“Good.” They reply. “A bit frustrating to see everything differently, but good to be back in the air. Let’s do it again some time. I’ll write things down next time.”

“I’m fine with that as long as you don’t crush my ribs.” Levi retorts. “Were you really that scared of falling?”

Hanji elbows him. “You weren’t the one who could fall at any moment.”

“Well, I had to do something.” Levi comments. “Or else, you would have kept hitting trees until I decided we were done.”

The commander tilts their head and admits that Levi is right. The two of them walk back to their quarters, Hanji in their lab and Levi in his office, and they fall back into their regular routine. Write reports, give orders, scold cadets. Just the usual, one would say.

At one particular table of the canteen in Trost District, the conversation is quite interesting. Sasha plops down next to Connie, puts her tray near his and knocks on the table to get his attention.

“I saw the weirdest thing this morning.” She declares, looking very proud of whatever it is that she has to say.

Jean joins them right at this moment. “What did you see?”

“The commander.” Sasha states, making dramatic pauses to emphasize the suspense. “And the captain. Flying together.”

Jean and Connie both stare at each other, but Jean is the first to voice his incomprehension. “What’s weird about that?"

“You don’t understand.” Sasha says. “The commander had no gear. Only captain Levi did.”

The two men seem to wonder how the two veterans could have flown that way, and both of them look back at Sasha with a bewildered look on their faces.

“Weird, right?” Sasha comments. “The commander was holding tight on the captain and they looked very happy. I swear I even saw him smile.”

This is too much for Jean, who could not believe it. “You can’t be serious.”

“I thought I saw it wrong, but I heard some other cadets speaking about it right before I came here, so I guess it was true.” Sasha assures him.

Jean thinks about it for a couple of seconds, trying to understand why the two of them would do such a dangerous thing that they had themselves advised not to do when they had taught the 104th, what feels like ages ago.

“My guess is that the captain is trying to help the commander with their eye.” Jean finally says, coming up with an explanation that seems coherent. “It would be logical.”

Connie nods, but he still isn’t fully convinced. “And what about the smile?”

“Well, perhaps the commander was panicking and it made the captain laugh.” Jean suggested. “He’s evil. He would certainly laugh at that.”

“Well, my guess is that they’re together.” Sasha speculates.

Jean and Connie’s surprise is immediate. “What?” they both blurt out.

“It’d be cute, wouldn’t it?” Sasha declares. “They’re all they have left in each other’s life. The oldest of the survey corps. It’d be adorable if they were, you know… dating.”

“They’re also the ones with the most experience.” Jean points out. “They know that in our field of work, love is not something that lasts very long.”

Sasha crosses her arms. “Well clearly, given what I saw, they don’t seem to care about that.”

“I’d even say that on the contrary, they’re trying to enjoy all they can have.” Connie adds. “Together.”

Jean stares at this inseparable duo, and laughs. “Look at you two, gossiping about our superiors like two old ladies.”

“You were the one who asked me what I saw.” Sasha reminds him.

“What are you chattering about?” Armin asks as he sits next to Jean.

Eren and Mikasa join them as well. Jean looks at the six of them together, gathered around this table, and thinks about how it was before, how there used to be much more people around them, but things have changed now and they must move on.

“Oh, nothing.” Sasha affirms. “We were just talking about the wonderful things that love can make people do.”

Jean chuckles. Mikasa nervously glances at Eren.

Levi’s ears burn. Hanji’s do too.

The two veterans smile.

“Those damn kids.” they say simultaneously.

**Author's Note:**

> Hiiii!!! if anyone still remembers me IM SO SORRY FOR MY ABSENCE!!! im in college and third year is INTENSE damn I hardly have time to write so. yeah. sorryyyy
> 
> as always this isn’t proofread so if you see typos or mistakes, hmu <3 
> 
> wish you all a good day/afternoon/night and i’ll see you soon (hopefully) for chapter two of this baby <3 
> 
> also fck titles and descriptions im never inspired and it SHOWS


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